Na-Miss Ko si Tatay

Wala lang.

Naisip ko lang. Ngayon ko lang talaga napatunayan. Ang hirap pala talaga lumaki nang walang tatay. Ayan tuloy, hindi na nga ako lumaki, hehe. Kidding aside, mahirap talaga. Pinakamahirap ngayon. Damang dama ko.

Yun bang isasama ka sa parang para manghuli ng ligaw na manok o tuturuan kang manilo ng bayawak? O kaya kumuha ng ubod ng kawayan para gawing labong? Yung tuturuan kang maghasa ng gulok (itak) at humawak ng laseta (balisong)?

Walang nagturo.

Yung tuturuan kang maglaro ng basketball?

Walang nakalaro.

Yun bang dinidiskubre mo pa lang kung ano ang nasa dako pa roon? Nung umuusbong pa lang ang pamanang dugo ni Adan? Tanong mo sa sarili mo: “Pa’no ba ‘to?”

Walang nagsabi.

Yung sasamahan kang magpatuli?

Walang sumama.

Yun bang mapagsasabihan mo nung unang tumibok ang puso mo? Yung hihingan mo ng diskarte para mapasagot ang poon mo?

Walang nagbigay ng diskarte.

Nung una kang mabigo sa pag-ibig at kailangan mo ng karamay?

Walang dumamay.

Magagawa sanang lahat ni tatay ang mga iyon. Kung nandirito lang sana si tatay, disinsana’y hindi ako ganitong kawalang imik. Na-miss kita. Kailangang kailangan pa naman sana kita sa mga panahong tulad nito. Kailangang kailangan ko ng payo mo, ng tapik sa balikat. Kailangang kailangan ko ng kabarikan. Kailangang kailangan ko ng masasandalan at maiiyakan.

Pero kung nandirito si tatay, malamang nasobrahan naman ako. Marahil isa na akong dakilang lasenggo sa amin. Siguro naging bully ako nung high school. Malamang hindi ako nag-ECE. Baka Private First Class na ako ngayon. Siguro kabila-kabila rin syota ko. Baka nga may asawa na ako ngayon, tapos meron pang pangalawa o pangatlo. Ilan na rin kaya ang mga anak ko kung sakali?

Ang buhay nga naman, maaaring magbago nang malaki sa loob lamang ng isang iglap. Ngunit kung ako ang papipiliin sa pagitan ng walang amang mabait at masunurin at sa may amang barumbado at gago, pipiliin ko ang pangalawa. Bakit kanyo? Kasi hindi rin naman ako magiging barumbado, gago pa siguro. Hehe, loko lang. Yun ay dahil may nagdala rito sakin. Kaya piliin ko man ang pangalawa, may mabago man, kahit masama, dulot iyon ng pagpili ko, at tanggap ko iyon. Ngunit, isang malaking ngunit, iyon ay isa lamang napakalaking ‘kung’ na hindi na naman talaga mangyayari kahit sa hinagap. At isa pa, huwag nating kalabanin ang itinakda para sa atin.

Gayunpaman, nami-miss ko pa rin ang tatay ko.

Giving it Away

By the way You brought me here. It makes me believe the best is still yet to come and I don't want to leave. Forgive my hesitation but I'm learning to trust in You. Help me to dream these dreams because I don't have a clue. If You'd be honest and say what you mean, You know I would promise I'd do anything because I know that without you I'm giving it away. Is this what you wanted because I'm willing to change? Now that I'm certain, there's so much more to gain. You've introduced me to the moment but I'm looking to stay for good. You asked me to stay forever. Well, You know that I would, I would do anything. The nights are forever and maybe I'm wrong, but it feels like I'm so lost without You. So I step towards the heat, it's the way I can see, and it makes me believe that it's You. The nights are forever and I can't get to sleep because I know there's a reason I'm in this too deep. And I'm not sure that without You, I'm giving it away.

Mae - Giving it Away

Is it Meant to Be?

It's been so long, I've never said a thing, so scared of what she thinks or what the future brings. If I speak up now, will I be losing out? ‘Cause I don’t wanna jeopardize the time we have but I’ve been going mad with all the time that’s passed, so tonight’s the night I finally speak my mind. She opens up the door; we’ve made plans to eat. I better start this speech before we even leave because if I don’t, I know I won’t. I’ve got some things to tell you but they’re hard to say and it’s been that way since I saw your face. I look her in the eyes; she’s not surprised. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. I’ll finish what I’m saying but it’s hard as hell ‘cause I can already tell that it’s not going well. I push on through; I’m falling for you. I can’t believe I’m here and that it took so long but after four love songs, something feels so wrong. She must have known and now I’ll have to go. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. I start to get the feeling that it’s just not mean to be. And even though I see it, I hold on to hope because she hasn’t spoke but when she does I’ll know. The silence screams my uncertainties. She doesn’t say a word but leans in for a hug and it’s almost enough to know it’s one way love. And then she pulls away and she starts to say, “I don’t wanna say but it’s just not meant to be. I don’t wanna say but it’s just not meant to be. I don’t wanna say but it’s just not meant to be. I don’t wanna say but it’s just not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to be.”

Chester See - Is it Meant to Be (NIKI Part IV)

T.H.E.A.

TO HOLD EVERYTHING ABOVE
Imbue No Kudos

Walking alone
Alone I am cold
Hopeless and dry
Tears in my eyes
Perfect night
I shelter to my own eternally
Of my lonely soul
Of my lonely soul

And then she came
And grace by its voice
An echo whisper for a lovely cause
Dressed with a smile
A never ending sign
This is my chance
To feel an empty life

Forever hold your pain
For I will give you same
For I will give you same

Hold my hand
Don't let go
For all I know
I'll be seeing you from above
If you fall
I will carry your show
For this I thank
To hold everything above

Burn this life
Of fame and fantasy
An ending hymn
To those who lead their need

Forever hold your pain
For I will give you same
For I will give you same

Hold my hand
Don't let go
For all I know
I'll be seeing you from above
If you fall
I will carry your show
For this I thank
To hold everything above

Hold my hand
Don't let go
For all I know
I'll be seeing you from above
If you fall
I will carry your show
For this I thank
To hold everything above

What Women Want

Women WANT you to lead, they WANT you to be in charge, command, lead and make decisions. No, she doesn't want a little monkey that will watch Sex and the City 2 with her or whatever the fuck they are watching and cry with her during the movie. No, she doesn't want some monkey that will run after her, beg for sex and pay her expensive dinners. They want a real man, a confident guy that knows what he wants and where he's going in life. A guy that doesn't NEED her, a guy with a life. Not a guy that will get on his knees and beg for sex like a fucking dog. So wake up and stop being a chimp.

http://ping.fm/QBZam

Small World

How great it is to reunite with old friends? Old friends never fail to amaze me. I missed them so much that I hurrily logged out at the office. I then took the train and had a brawl with restless commuters. Well thank God all that paid off for when I arrived there were lots of food! Some photos taken and I was off feasting. I saw a high school classmate whom I have not seen since we graduated. And the fun part was she was from the same company I was working for. And the more fun part was she was just a street away from where I live in! Small world, eh?

Five of us. Three of us work in the same company. Two of us live in the same house. Three of us work in the same city. All interconnected. Really a small world we live in. I then remember that Six Degrees of Separation Theory. That theory is now starting to convince me. In my own circle, I can interconnect us all in one way or another. Geez.

We'll carry on...